04 July 2006

Nekromantik // Nekromantik 2

Oh my goddamn. Who would've thought a corpse-lovin' double feature could be so gross? Hey, I know, how about everybody? And I don't mean just plain "gross," I mean fucking gross. Think of the most repulsive thing you've seen and add one. Hell, think of the most repulsive thing you can imagine and then add one. Or two. Or eight. Eighty minutes of greasy, slimy, decaying German bodies and people doing things they shouldn't be doing. 'Cuse me while I puke. [Shudder]


Nekro I is a classic inasmuch as something this putrid can be classic: you watch that opening menage and think, "Whoa, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." [Blech] "That's a dead body! And a lady in the throes of passion!" [Barf] But hold on! If you make to the very end you'll get a scene that is even more disgusting and more offensive, and I will guarantee you that's it'll be unlike anything you'll ever see in any movie for the rest of your life. Especially one that you could get from Netflix. Yuck. I'm serious. Don't watch this. Ever.


But wait, there's more! In case you forgot about Nekro's finale, Nekro II makes you watch it again. The humanity! The horror! The...[throws up in trash can]. Man, that was fucked up, what the hell, Jorg? Nekro II is sometimes even more repellent than its predecessor thanks to a new and improved bloated green corpse. Yecch. [Retch]

Hey, why does it smell like pretzels and stomach acid in here?

6 comments:

He manTooth said...

Uggghhh. Avoid at all costs unless... well if there is an "unless" I don't want to know you.

I am scarred for life.

He manTooth said...

We watched these "films" so no one else has to.

Beta0 said...

the kind of thing you watch and then can't tell anyone you watched it.

He manTooth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
He manTooth said...

Broom handle dick.

Beta0 said...

Still better than Superman Returns