14 October 2015

The Brick Dollhouse

This one has a GREAT soundtrack.

13 October 2015

Color Me Blood Red

I'd like to think all these paintings are hanging on someone's wall right now, but I'm sure they were left at the curbside like a bunch of worthless garbage.

27 May 2015

Crips and Bloods: Made in America

It was okay, but I already knew this stuff.

28 April 2015

Tales of the Grim Sleeper

I'll say the most trivial thing I can right now, which is how I truly regret the level to which I'd undervalued Nick Broomfield.  Tales of the Grim Sleeper is mandatory.

30 May 2014

Death Wish

This movie has a lot of great hats.

28 July 2013


Every element of Keoma, from its camera work to its gorgeous theme to Franco Nero's eyes, is a thing of absolute bad-ass masculine awe, but sadly these parts never come together in a way that elevates the movie into a majestic artifact for the ages.  It's a stone cold masterpiece compared to late-period western dreck like Mannaja, so my guess is that all of its cool-ass sadness and fancy gun totin' tricked me into holding Keoma up to Peckinpah-level standards rather than a more appropriate Island of the Fishmen-informed yardstick.

07 April 2013

Project X

You know that chubby kid shot a scene for Bang Bros? What a creep.

08 September 2012


Wow, is anyone cooler than Franco Nero?  The guy has it all: tanned features, burly forearms, a perpetual morning-after leer, and a steamer trunk full of sweaters and Pendleton flannels. Even in my most generous dreams I'm only half the man he is.

07 September 2012

God Bless America

I recently went into a sensory deprivation tank and my introspective reflection was that I should probably stop being so cynical and judgmental.

06 September 2012

House on the Edge of the Park

I used to think the people who made these movies were psychopathic narcissists, but now I realize they're probably just guys who go to swingers' clubs.

15 August 2012

Last Days Here

Holy Christ, is this some harrowing shit.  I need to take better care of myself.  Now.

04 July 2012

Wavy Gravy -- Saint Misbehavin'

Man, how square am I?  Whole time I'm thinkin', "What the hell's wrong with these people?"  Yeesh.

11 June 2012

The House with the Laughing Windows

Phil Anselmo likes this so much I expected it to be horribly nightmarish and disturbing.

What a disappointment.

28 April 2012

I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

Somehow even more offensive than the original! Is it because its very existence suggests many serious conference calls between studio executives and financiers, all of whom were looking for an advantageous return on investment?  Is it because its existence further suggests the involvement by an even more populous collection of actors, technicians, and union laborers, many of whom probably had serious qualms about re-shooting such a film and yet signed on anyway?  Is it because I still chose to watch this movie in spite of my own knowledge of and qualms regarding its production and promotion?

OR is it just because I watched the 1978 version with the non-stop Joe Bob Briggs audio commentary?

11 April 2012

The Larry Sanders Show

The question we have to ask ourselves is: Would you rather be an Artie or would you rather have an Artie?

23 January 2012

I Saw the Devil

The lighting was real good.

30 October 2011

Dr. Bronner's Magic Soapbox

 What a bunch of weirdos.

14 October 2011

Bukowski -- Born Into This

I don't like to say that my father drank himself to death because I feel like that implies agency, like Dad set out and to kill himself with booze rather than what actually happened, which is that he plain gave up and drank Miller High Life until his body did the same.

And that last part, it's probably the biggest reason I'm here on the Highland Cinema today. It's why I was so excited to see the Mentors a few years ago, why I search "most disturbing films" in Google whenever I reactivate my Netflix account, why I can never muster up the nerve to call a girl.  All because of my dad.  It's why I watched No Direction Home or bought Cat Stevens' Catch Bull at Four or why I tried to read a book on Richard Nixon.  For years without me knowing it, Dad was the reason I couldn't help but put up defense mechanisms and deflate your enthusiasm with cynicism.  He's why I felt it necessary to convince myself that the reason I bought used copies of Ham on Rye, Post Office, and Women wasn't because I couldn't pull myself away from sad, middle-aged alcoholics, but because I thought that Jon Daly and his Bill Cosby Bukowski character were just hilarious.  Seriously....Jelloems?  My God.  Inspired.

If Bukowski had genius, it was in his fearlessness, a fearlessness that was rooted in defeat and completely without bravado.  His finest moments are exercises in emasculated machismo: waking up and vomiting stomach acid into the bathroom sink or pulling out and telling her you can't cum because you're just too fucking blitzed, hon. Bukowski's charm is this gallows humor, the matter-of-factness with which he celebrates a homely woman's fat ass or talks back to his boss as he's getting chewed out about his far too frequent trips to the water fountain.  Bukowski was prone to rambling and incoherence, but that's why we remember him.  We like that he was a self-professed dirty old man who drank beer by the case and spent his nights in front of a ramshackle typewriter in an even more ramshackle welfare hotel.  His adult existence was rejection letters and soulless shifts at menial jobs.  But that's what gives us hope.  Maybe someday our own brooding and half-ass will could amount to something so great as literary fame and fortune.

But then there's the mean-spirited sorrow of Charles Bukowski, a bleary-eyed insensitivity and inadvertent nastiness that make me want to take back everything I just wrote.  There's the way he calls his girlfriend a bitch and a fucking whore while they're in front of the cameras.  Or the way he opens his mouth and makes me nervous that his staggering intensity is about to trap me in a conversation peppered with bloodshot glares and sweaty finger pointing.  Born Into This shows us Bukowski slur his way through horrible poetry readings while co-eds and burnouts cheer him on and he sucks down Screwdrivers. These scenes are book-ended with footage of agents and sunglasses-clad celebrities who speak with a glowing fondness for Bukowski's legacy as a drunken Bard of the Los Angeles streets.  The whole time I can't help but think of the sadness and pain he'd gone through.  I can hardly get over how offensive it is that anyone could mythologize or encourage such hurtful and melancholy behavior.  It's almost unbearable.

But even after all of that I still feel a romance for the lonely alcoholic, awake and creative at one in the morning.  Which is why tomorrow I'm still going to buy Factotum even though I didn't like Ham on Rye, and I thought Post Office was just okay.

Here's my favorite passage from Charles Bukowski.  From the final two paragraphs of chapter thirty-eight of Women, published in 1978:

That night she drank half a bottle of red wine, good red wine, and she was sad and quiet.  I knew she was connecting me with the racetrack people and the boxing crowd, and it was true, I was with them, I was one of them.  Katherine knew that there was something about me that was not wholesome in the sense of wholesome is as wholesome does.  I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn't have a god, politics, ideas, ideals.  I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it.  It didn't make for an interesting person.  I didn't want to be interesting, it was too hard.  What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.  On the other hand, when I got drunk I screamed, went crazy, got all out of hand.  One kind of behavior didn't fit the other.  I didn't care.

The fucking was very good that night, but it was the night I lost her.  There was nothing I could do about it.  I rolled off and wiped myself on the sheet as she went to the bathroom.  Overhead a police helicopter circled over Hollywood.

25 August 2011

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I pretty much take Matthew Timmons' advice on everything, probably because we had the same PE class in seventh grade and he had a Metallica t-shirt. In recent years, Matt's been all, "You should move up to Seattle," and "You should buy that guitar," and "Dude, that TV! It's just like mine!" He's also been, like, "You totally need to call that girl," and "Eh, probably shouldn't call her again," and "It's Always Sunny is incredible, Booth. What am I, an asshole?"

So far it's all worked out pretty goddamn well.

19 August 2011

Bad Biology

I like RA the Rugged Man because he's a tough white dude who raps about offensive things and I listen to a lot of Necro. But I also like boxing because of a Larry Sanders extra and I decided to go to Prague after I saw some Polish animation, so my logic isn't always the most sound.

18 August 2011

Jonathan Richman -- Take Me to the Plaza

I'm kinda tired of the story where I went to see ArnoCorps and got blackout drunk on a few PBRs and one whisky sour and I vomited all over a girl I liked in the back seat of her car. But the story I'm not yet tired of is the one where I got home the next day reeking of of hangover and remorse and I put on Take Me to the Plaza just so I could watch Jonathan Richman sing about how beautiful it was to live in a world where the sad sun stared at you through the trees and men sat in the cafe crying in vain and your heart hurt so bad you can't eat, you can't sleep, you just wandered around. After that, I knew everything was going to be okay.

15 August 2011

The Door in the Floor

I'm halfway certain that my ninth grade English teacher wanted me to read A Prayer for Owen Meany because of how pleased he was that he looked like John Irving's dust jacket photo. I knew this at the time, but that didn't stop younger me from really really digging this book, so much so that during the year I read as many Irving pieces as I could.

But then, once I got out of high school I found myself at the community college, and I all but stopped reading entirely. Sometimes I would sit there in pretend-class and start feeling bad about myself and think, "Man, didn't I used to read all sorts of real books all the time? Didn't I do more than scroll through the GWAR FUQ while eating Taco Bell and drinking Dr. Pepper?"

Finally, one afternoon I decided I had to do something about this, and I drove down to the used book store and bought the first copy of Son of the Circus I saw. With all sorts of good intentions I got home and plowed through the opening thirty-five pages, but before I knew what had happened, I found myself bored, I'd slid a bookmark between the pages, and I'd slipped this New York Times bestseller right back onto the shelf, right back into the spot that'd been recently vacated by the X-Cops CD I'd picked up a few weeks before and which had almost as recently taken up permanent residence in the bedroom stereo. As I pushed play, I silently pledged to myself that I'd give John Irving a shot in just a few days, once I got over the momentary thrill of loud, offensive music and was back in the right frame of mind. Yep. In just a few days.

I still haven't made it to page 36.

23 July 2011

Such Hawks Such Hounds

This movie was alright. I like it when gnarly old goat dudes talk about gnarly old goat tunes.

03 July 2011

Who Is Harry Nilsson (And Why Is Everybody Talkin' About Him)?

Seriously? It took me this long to find out Cheeseburger's Gang's All Here cover art is just a take-off of Nilsson Schmilsson?

02 July 2011

Graveyard of Honor

I don't have a lot of goals in life, but the few I have usually come from musings like, "I wonder how many Greg Ginn solo albums I could sit through" or "You think I could see every Takashi Miike film by the end of the year?"

01 July 2011

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Kinda made me wish I did something neat and creative, but then I realized that when it comes to "street art" I tend to side with law enforcement.

30 June 2011

Black Sun -- The Nanking Massacre

I'm just gonna believe everything in this movie actually happened if for no other reason than Iris Chang eventually killed herself.

25 June 2011

No Direction Home

I defy you to look at this album cover and tell me it doesn't represent everything you want from life.

04 June 2011

The Boys -- The Sherman Brothers' Story

Normally a movie about the guys who wrote the songs for Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks wouldn't pique my interest, but after I heard David Feldman gush about this on his podcast, and after I found out that the director is married to a certain comedienne named Wendy Liebman who just so happens to follow me on Twitter...well, I was SOLD.

Great movie. Great story. Great movie. Good story.

01 June 2011


I just met this girl who taught English in Korea. Thought I'd give Thirst a whirl.

29 May 2011

No Way Home

How come it took me this long to realize that Tim Roth was such a terrific actor? Is it because I never saw Rob Roy?

My Life as a Dog

Most of childhood is stupid and embarrassing, but eventually you realize that it's all pretty funny.

22 May 2011

16 May 2011

15 May 2011

Reality 86'd

During the summer of 2001, back when I was but a college livin' man at the University of California, Berkeley, I listened to Rollins Band's "Joy Riding With Frank" every single goddamn day. Each and every day from May to September whether I was sitting on BART, cruising to Safeway in my 1986 Mazda, or shutting my eyes trying to fall asleep at two in the morning after I'd finished watching The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, I had nothing but thirty-two minutes of hollerin', guitar bloops, and slappy bass fills rattling through my head. My roommate totally (deservedly) made fun of me for it, probably because he knew that it wouldn't be long before I'd come home late one night so jonesing to hear this song I would wind up snapping my headphones in half as I stumbled toward my bed.

This bed, I should point out, wasn't really even a bed at all. It was a twenty-five year old sleeping bag on top of a mattress pad on top of my olive green shag-carpeted bedroom, a bedroom which, I should also point out, wasn't really even a bedroom at all. It was our living room that'd been partitioned into a pretend bedroom by a plywood sheet that was screwed into the ceiling and decorated with charcoal-drawn orchids.

That was pretty much how I lived all through college. I slept on the floor and listened to shitty rock music from 1987.

13 May 2011

Life Is Hot in Cracktown

Buddy Giovinazzo has no choice in life but to make movies about dopesick panhandlers who mentor child prostitutes, pre-op trannies who are flat-out gorgeous, and teenage gang-bangers whose hearts ache for their departed sisters with such intensity they pee on rape victims and beat old men half to death just to get through the day.


I knew Maggie Gyllenhall was a great actress when I saw that part in Secretary where she dabbed water off her blouse and you could see the shape of her boob.

06 May 2011


I don't read reviews anymore so I have no idea how highly folks regard this thing, but I'm confident that if Vengeance had come out in 1973 Tarantino, Eli Roth, and Patton Oswalt would fucking love it.

Doug Stanhope -- No Refunds

Like everyone else I've always enjoyed comedians. I remember lying in bed watching Comic Strip Live on Saturday nights, downloading the audio for Chappelle's Killin' Them Softly off Napster (I didn't actually see the video for another three years), and talking close personal friend Chris Daly into driving me around for an extra forty minutes just so we could listen to the rest of Skanks for the Memories in his car. But over the past two years I've decided that I don't just like stand-up comedy, I love it. It all started in February of 2009 when Matt Timmons told me I should listen to Adam Carolla's new podcast. I'd been listening to Fresh Air and The Sound of Young America for a few years by then, but hearing Carolla's show changed everything. I remember sitting at work hearing Carolla and David Alan Grier bullshit for an hour, Grier telling stories about his parents' divorce and how his psychiatrist father wrote Black Rage, and all of the sudden I realized how much was missing from my life. From then on, all I wanted was to have clever conversations with smart people, reference Billy Jack with 40 year-olds, and have a dad who penned a treatise on Black Power.

I spent the rest of that year listening to every episode Carolla put online. And then when I got tired of that I switched to Marc Maron's WTF and Greg Fitzsimmons. I spent the entire summer listening to Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast, and anytime I had two and a half hours to spare and a hankering to hear about DMT and pornography I didn't hesitate to download the latest episode of The Joe Rogan Experience. Comedy has really spoken to me, and it was all because of the podcast medium. Thinking about it made me realize that what I like about stand-up had nothing to do with wanting to laugh and everything to do with the comedians themselves. I liked their miserable and bitter lives, so full of loneliness and 12-Step Meetings. I liked their failings with women and their arguments with...everyone. It all made sense to me, and I could relate to nearly all of it.

So for the past two years this enthusiasm has turned me into a bit of a lunatic myself, drunkenly haranguing friends and family with tales of my own self-loathing and non-romantic non-entanglements, every minute of every one of these debacles I fantasize as training sessions for my own Evening at the Improv. I know it's after last call and we're standing on the corner outside your building, but in my head I look like Rick Shapiro and sound like Bill Burr.

04 May 2011

01 May 2011

Sleeping Dogs Lie

I've been a fan of Bobcat Goldthwait since I was a child, and when I say "fan" I mean I saw him on television and he made my dad laugh. The guy also had a funny voice and walked out onstage with his pants around his ankles. It was a three-point frozen rope right into a young boy's heart.

16 April 2011

Goodbye Solo

I really liked this movie. I spent a long time sitting on the sofa trying to remember why I wanted to watch it in the first place, and then I finally gave in and looked it up on my phone's IMDB app. Turns out it was written and directed by the guy who made Chop Shop. I liked that movie too.