Alice (1990)

When I was first getting into Woody Allen I wouldn't see any Woody Allen movie unless he was in it because I knew half of my attraction to his work was seeing Woody Allen do the neurotic Woody Allen persona. I'm glad I waited because if I'd seen Alice as an 18 year-old I'm sure I would have hated it.

The Wire -- Season 4

Last year I had some free time on my hands and rather than spending it at the singles bar or collecting passport stamps, I watched sixty hours of The Wire. Awesome shit and totally the right decision.

This year I had some free time on my hands and rather than spending it at the singles bar or collecting passport stamps, I re-watched season four of The Wire. Still awesome shit, but not really the right decision.

Mary & Max

I listened to this episode of the WTF Podcast where Maron and a Fantagraphics dude gushed over Charles Burns' Black Hole. It really made me want to buy the thing, but I'm such a cheap bastard that rather than commit $20 to a super interesting comic book of all things, I drank coffee, listened to an Adolescents record, and watched a "don't-tell-the-Feds" DIVX version of Mary & Max.

And, shit, what an unbelievable movie! The odds-on favorite for the Highland Cinema's Greatest Thing I've Seen in 2010 award.

Pieces

Eli Roth loves this movie. The Highland Cinema does not.

Funny People

I've come around on this Apatow cat. Dude's got himself some solid tastes in the musics.

Greg Giraldo -- Midlife Vices

As soon as I heard that the guy graduated from Harvard Law School, Giraldo and his Caroline's routines went straight from "kinda sorta funny" to "side-splitting and profound" in a New York minute.

I guess if I'm infused with juridical reverence like that I oughta register for the LSAT pronto.

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley

Finally, a cannibal flick suitable for yer Bad Movie party! Maybe that's 'cause Massacre in Dinosaur Valley ain't really a cannibal picture. See, no matter how much the trailer emphasizes terror, loincloths, and screamin' naked ladies, the actual flick's more Andy Sidaris doing Romancing the Stone than Herschell Gordon Lewis doing culturally insensitive. Still okay, but be forewarned!

District 9

Huh, a new release? For the Highland Cinema? I know how strange that must seem to you all, but I figured that once I got one o' them fancy big-screens and wired some classy speakers into my Nixon-era hi-fi, I owed it to myself to fire up an honest-to-goodness blockbuster and let my neighbors know that I mean business. Turns out, this particular box office stunner was super cool! I'm not lying when I say I District 9 was really great, what with all its deep-space sea-creature aliens, non-stop nausea-cam, and frequent gloppy, sloppy, tinnitus-inducing explosions. But my favorite part, you ask? The obvious socio-political overtones! They somehow managed to avoid bein' preachy, overbearing, or condescending and I'm still trying to figure out how they pulled it off. Some feat.

The Bicycle Thief

My first foray into Italian Neo-realism. I finally understand that scene in Precious!

Demons

And in one fell swoop, Lamberto Bava brought giallo horror to the Less Than Zero set.

The House By the Cemetery

Of the four of Fulci flicks I've seen so far, House By the Cemetery is by far mah least favorite. Now to be fair, I'll credit Big Lucy for his adeptness in creatin' a genuinely spook-tastic atmosphere and for givin' me the heebiest of heebie-jeebies during that scene where the screechy bat starts chewin' on that one dude's hand 'til he stabs it to death and makes it bleed Sherwin-Williams blood onto the kitchen counter, but when it comes down to it this picture is a lame-o slasher flick without enough gnarly effects to make up for a story that doesn't make a lick of sense. And could they have picked a more annoying voice-over actor to dub in for that blond-headed kid? Oof. I think not.

Facing Ali

If there ever was a case for outlawing the sweet science of bruising, Facing Ali might be it. These guys went from real-deal heavyweight champeens to dudes so slurred we need subtitles just to understand 'em. Ouch.

Until the Light Takes Us

Norwegian Black Metal? Don't we all know this by now? You want to talk about Darkthrone instead? Alright!

Eaten Alive (1980)

While you'll be surprised that director Umberto Lenzi had the gall to combine religious cults with topless cannibal gore so soon after Jonestown, you'll be seriously fucking flabbergasted that the people of New Guinea never sued the guy for defamation. Good lord.

The Beyond

So I think the story's got something to do with a hotel that sits atop the Gates o' Hell, but if ya ask me all you need know about The Beyond is there's this five-minute scene where tarantulas gouge out a man's eye, eat his tongue, and then tear the shit out of his face. I haven't squirmed that much since I watched the circumcision episode of that Penn & Teller show. Outstanding!

Knocked Up

Some time ago I got it into my head that comedies weren't real movies and that there was no way I was gonna waste my time on 'em no matter how many fawning Terry Gross interviews I heard. But now that I watched the Knocked Up on the tv and found it pretty great, pretty funny, and pretty well-made I guess it's time I admit I was wrong. Damn.

Tyson

Hey, don't listen to them talking heads, 2009's best films were clearly this one right here and Bobby Goldthwait's World's Greatest Dad. Seriously, nowhere have we ever found such an entertaining collusion of exploitation, brutality, sportswriterly romanticizin', and sheer motherfucking thuggery as in this ninety-minute pugilisticacious gem. James Toback, you are forthwith known as the AJ Liebling of the new millennium. Bravo.

Swamp Thing

Hey, who'm I kidding here? Really just wanted to see Adrienne Barbeau's boobies.

Command Performance

Big Dolph Lundgren mans the drumkit and kicks some Russkie hiney. Well-done like the Dolph movies I loved as a youth, but still kinda boring like the Dolph movies I watched as a just-past-a-youth. There's also a hot babe.

King of New York

I'm surprised more folks don't quote this movie.

The Godfather: Part II

Don't believe what they said in that Scream movie -- The Godfather: Part II does not trump The Godfather: Part Original.

The Godfather

I rented this movie in the summer of 1990 when I was nine years old. You had to switch tapes after the scene where Sonny gets killed. I was a pretty awesome kid.

Mad Men -- Season One

Ooooooh, look how different things were back then.Hey, where are all the seatbelts? Dresses and pearls? On a Monday??? My goodness, is that a Xerox machine?!? Weiner's constant reminders that we're watching a period piece are insulting, condescending, and unnecessary. Did you know that underneath that happy family exterior everyone was enveloped in sadness and Glenlivet? Please.

Elite Squad

Man, does Brazil get a bad rap or what? All the movies are about drug dealers, paid-off officials, thong bikinis, and dudes with bleached-blonde afros. Seems like the country's tourist board should get in touch with those guys behind the Las Vegas campaign or something 'cause the media sure ain't doing Rio any favors.

Falling Down

It surprised me to see Joel Schumacher's name in them there opening credits, but once I put aside my seventh-grade nostalgia for No Fear hats and free Showtime weekends, I realized Falling Down really isn't that far removed from nipples on the bat suit.

Sons of Anarchy -- Season One

This felt like a TV show so I quickly lost interest, but Katey Sagal was so good I stuck around through the finale.

Shakes the Clown

Let's see what I wrote about Shakes the Clown on the Electrical Audio forum all the way back in July of 2006:

that one clown, she has the peanut butter pussy: brown, smooth, and easy to spread.

doesn't adam sandler have a cameo?

only saw some of this on hbo over ten years ago. time to netflix it.

when i was but a mere child I thought bobcat was hilarious.

Wow, I'm actually pretty impressed with this comment. I know it's a prime example of internet-bred triviality, but look at how well it encapsulates the Highland Cinema's style! Notice how now that I've finally sat down and watched this thing I still don't have anything to say 'bout it other than a vagina joke and a memory from my childhood. Can you think of a better juxtaposition? Didn't think so!

The one thing that really really sticks in my craw is my damn "cameo" remark. Talk about ignorant! Sandler's in over half of this darn movie and there I am acting like he was Glenn Close in Hook. Now Steve Albini will never think I'm cool.

Thrilla in Manila

Jesus Christ, man. The sweet science sure fucks you up.

What We Do Is Secret

I've listened to (MIA), read Lexicon Devil, and seen What We Do Is Secret.

There ain't a medium yet that'll make me like this band.

Rocky Balboa

My friend's lady told me that if I was serious about wanting to ramp up my flirtations with that gal at the coffee stand then maybe I should try to engage her in conversations about, say, a good movie I saw over the weekend.

Considering I like to watch Nekromantik and Rocky Balboa I might want to try something else.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

My entire life is a Larry David moment to the point where I strangely look up to the guy. Is that a bad thing? Such a seriously funny show that the Cinema is this close to paying for HBO just so we can watch season seven.

Faces of Death

When I was a child the mere mention of Faces of Death gave me nightmares, but now that I'm an adult and the thing's thirty years old I think it's the greatest piece of exploitation I will ever see. Hilarious and outstanding.

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia

That last third of the movie where Warren Oates is all batshit crazy and talkin' to a maggot infested severed head? That shit was fucking awesome.

Wassup Rockers

Some folks say Larry Clark must like boys 'cause his movies have lots of scenes where shirtless fifteen year olds make out and act silly. The Highland Cinema says Larry Clark must like boys because Wassup Rockers feels like it was written by one.

Fugazi -- Instrument

Totally not into Fugazi. Sorry, guys.

Crazy Love

When we were in fifth grade we adored Paul Simon's Graceland. And we think that when you like something at that young of an age that even when ya get older and find out how lame that thing really was ya can't help but still enjoy it. Sure, we've long known that Graceland is about as embarrassingly yuppie-fied as you can get: it's got that awfully dated '80s gated reverb production, that middle-aged, upper-class worldview, and that shameful appropriation of Apartheid folk music masqueradin' as enlightened multi-culturalism. Oof. And just recently discovered that ol' Rhymin' Simon downright stole one of Los Lobos' working tunes, put it on his record, and then didn't give the guys any credit for writin' it! Geez, that's pretty indefensible, right? What a jerk! Makes us wanna chuck that Graceland cassette out the car window and listen to Big Black instead!

But then when we hear a line like "Crazy Love, Vol II"'s "sad as a lonely little wrinkled balloon" and start thinking 'bout when we learned long division...well, we just put all that stuff aside and smile.

Rory Gallagher -- Live at Montreux

Rory Gallagher plays the kind of blues music we can't stand, but he has some great guitar tone and an even greater fashion sense. This Montreux collection spans the R-man's performances from '75 to '94 and it's a mixed bag of Robert Cray-isms and funny-faced skull-meltin' freak-out guitar solos. Totally recommended for guitar nerds like us, but your results may vary.

Joy Division

The cool thing about Control, Anton Corbijn's 2007 Ian Curtis biopic, is that it never tries to convince you that Joy Division are a bunch of geniuses. The whole movie is just a great looking black and white tale of some twenty-year old kids playing music in run-down pubs. It's nothing special, it's nothing extraordinary, and it's fucking fantastic. Control saddles itself with the Sisyphean task of making the guys in Joy Division real people and strips them of all the bullshit mythology that twenty-five years of NME-infused hagiography has bestowed on "She's Lost Control" and Closer. Somehow it succeeds. What a great film.

This American Life -- Season One

This Showtime series sucks, but you guys should all go out and download Episode 207 of the This American Life radio show. It's called "Special Ed," it costs ya a buck, and it's the most heart-breaking and charming thing we at the Cinema have ever heard. It's got three stories about people with developmental disabilities, and while the second two are respectively depressing and boring, the first one is so fucking great we've kept it on our iPod for almost as long as we've had a portable mp3 player! Don't wait any longer -- the sooner you get some Ron Simonsen in your life the better!

Cat Stevens -- Majikat

We think it's pretty cool that Cat Stevens could fly around on a private jet and have backup singers and magicians and still make a big ass US tour stop like this feel like a sit-down club gig. Majikat is about half early Cat's acoustic troubadourin' and half mid Cat's synthesizer garbage. We dug the lack of corny hippie cut-scenes, and those awesome clips of him yelling at his backing band, and fiddling with the flowers clipped to his microphone stand. What a guy!

James Ellroy's Feast of Death

Man, Ellroy's fucking great, ain't he? It's rare we come across an author who can affect us so profoundly, but when we read My Dark Places we knew we were onto something goooood. The guy's a goddamn beast, pure and simple. His tone is flawlessly brilliant, brutal, and oozing with a cynicism that's as pragmatic as it is malicious. Every novel comes with a plot only a hair shy of the unnecessarily complex, but one that's wound tighter than a drum.

Feast of Death is courtesy of our friends at the BBC. It's a nice piece that amounts to little more than Ellroy riffin' about his aforementioned memoir* and his 1987 hard-boiled crime novel The Black Dahlia** for a too-short ninety minutes. Our favorite author spends the screen time chewin' the scenery and leanin' in all close and serious-like while he's talkin' his no nonsense Mike Hammer speak with some paunchy off the job detectives as they dine in a swanky Hell Lay restaurant. He retells his own gnarly history and accentuates his haunted and obsessed connections between one Jean ("Mom") Ellroy and one Elizabeth ("hot mama") Short. Then, right as you think the whole thing's done and over, he tops the whole thing off with Larry Harnisch, a reporter so equally consumed by the Dahlia case he claims he uncovered the killer's identity! Whoa!

In short: captivatin' stuff. We couldn't have been happier.

Now go read a book, dammit. Might we suggest:

* My Dark Places, of course -- the tale of Ma Ellroy's murder, Son Ellroy's descent from broken-home child to panty-sniffing bottomed-out drunk, and how a publishing advance paid for a brooding author and a retired LAPD dick to reinvestigate a forgotten woman's unsolved case some forty years later

**about, well, the Black Dahlia...that and a veiled examination of one man's obsession with mysterious mutilated women [see above]

Poultrygeist -- Night of the Chicken Dead

If there's one thing people can't stand it's shit. Poop. Feces. Hershey Squirts. Why, just the sound of a damp fart will send most of ya runnin' out the room screaming. If you wanna dish our some squirms, and we're talking some serious squirms, then you best leave that eyeball stabbin' and fingernail pullin' on the cuttin' room floor and plop yourself into the nearest toilet stall pronto.

Guess that's our way of saying, "Poultrygeist? What a fantastic film!"