29 November 2007


This modern internet age is turning all us regular folks into degenerate slimeballs. It really wasn't that long ago that you had to hunt around to see naked ladies, autopsies, and guys with weird diseases. You really had to have luck on your side to come across that third generation Faces of Death dub or that wrinkly sun-bleached Playboy. But now, in this here twenty-first century, you can see all kinds of gross stuff without even trying! Goatse, tubgirl, lemon party -- all things I had no intention of ever seeing in my entire life and there they are posted right there on some idiot's MySpace page or Photoshopped as some dork's avatar. Just cruising Digg every few days I've seen a whole ton of stories about a sad freak of nature like this poor asshole. Jesus, I can't even imagine what kind of horrible things I could witness if I really, truly, sincerely tried to find 'em.

Oh wait, yeah I do.

Now hold on, that's art it is, and besides, I read about stuff like Cannibal Holocaust ten years ago. The kind of degeneracy I'm talking about is the kind of stuff you'll find in this nice little movie Zoo. Stuff like (you guessed it!) animal fucking! I know the guys in this movie go on and on about how they really love them horsies, but who among us is honestly interested in the demarcation between bestiality and zoophilia? I mean, it's goshdarned gross any way you slice it! Zoo spends the first half of its run time giving you narrations and dimly lit reenactments of guys from all over the globe getting together and bonding over their shared love of the intimacy unique to a man-beast relationship. And where, you ask, did these guys meet? Why, online, of course! Just think about it, while you're here reading 'bout some of the finest feature films ever made, a handful of creepy dudes are IM'ing each other stable-cam pics and swapping stories of equine pillow talk. Yuck. Most striking to me isn't that strange fetishes exist, but that there's a community of fetishists for absolutely anything you can imagine. And the grossest thing you can think of? There's already a community of people totally bored with that! This here internet has made the world so small that nothing is off-limits and no matter what you're into there's a number of other cats out there into the very same thing.

Even if its taking a cock the size of a paper-towel roll up the ass.

Yeah, it's a fucked up world we live in.

Hey, did I mention this movie was really good? No? It was!


d evon said...

dammit, I meant "the size of a roll of paper towels." where's an editor when you need one?

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